so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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