I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
