Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
