He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
