I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
