dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
