it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I looked at my own cervix.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
