my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
