the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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