We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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