so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
