3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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