I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
