So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
