The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
