Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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