do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You are the jesus of drinking
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
