god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
