Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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