Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
