She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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