OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I forget how to act sober
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
