"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
