I can text with my tongue
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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