My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
