Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
