did you get engaged???
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
