Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
