um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
