Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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