tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
God, I missed his penis.
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