At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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