u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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