As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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