just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
