he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
