I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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