Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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