I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
