what day is it and did you see me today?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
