I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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