pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you win again, gameday.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
