i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
