I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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