I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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