Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
