Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
