You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
