I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
