I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
