I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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