I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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