I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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