did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
