She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
