My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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